You know you are a Mummy when….Posted: March 26, 2012
- Your house has never been as warm as the first day that your baby is home. Ours was put on to setting “nuclear”.
- The cat/dog, which used to be your baby, is now nothing more than a dirt-magnet-noise-pest.
- November 5th used to be fun, a few drinks, huddled in the cold with friends watching fireworks and eating sausages. Now, as a parent, you would murder anyone who so much as looks at a firework. Actually murder them.
- You can go an entire flight without even so much as catching sight of the inflight magazine and without even a sniff of a G&T.
- You can collapse a buggy and load it into the car boot with one hand.
- You are on first name terms with your GP and pharmacist.
- You’ve stopped swearing and now use words like “fiddlesticks”.
- You no longer wear any jewellery or anything which may be grabbed/pulled/ripped off/chewed.
- You haven’t seen a newspaper, magazine or book in such a long time that it’s possible you have forgotten how to read.
- You know how to distinguish the Ninky Nonk from the Pinky Ponk.
- You go “swimming” but never actually swim.
- You drive home from the swimming pool with a wet bum because you forgot to dry yourself. But, the baby is toasty warm and snoozing in the back of the car.
- When sales people call you at inconvenient times, you still say “I’m sorry, I can’t talk, I’m feeding my baby”. Even though they are actually at school.
- You’ve answered the front door with a boob out.
- You’ve gone out without doing up your nursing bra, only to feel it slipping half way around the supermarket.
- You get lots of dental work and prescriptions just to make the most of the freebies.
- You wonder if you could pass off an Ella’s Kitchen fruit pouch as ‘coulis’ for your next dinner party.
- You have to move the ducks/pirate ships/bubble blowers/fish out of the way to even get your toe into the bath.
- You spend most of your time in social situations saying “don’t do that/give it back/that’s not yours/share/gentle”
- You’ve completely forgotten that you said you’d never go through childbirth again.
- Your mobile phone is covered in sticky stuff/drool/milk/snot. And you check your call history to see who the baby has dialled.
- You’ve eaten your lunch but can’t remember eating it. Your plate is empty though, so you must’ve eaten it. It may as well have been cardboard.
- You see a friend and then remember about 3 hours later the 45 questions that you meant to ask, but forgot.
- The clocks changing twice a year is the biggest load of nonsense ever as YOU HAVE JUST GOT A ROUTINE GOING!
- You haven’t had a hot cup of tea in months.
- You find yourself listening to nursery rhymes or watching CBeebies for half an hour. Even though your baby is asleep upstairs.
Please feel free to add more in the comments below, I’m sure that you are all full of ideas…..