You know you are a Mummy when….

  • Your house has never been as warm as the first day that your baby is home. Ours was put on to setting “nuclear”.
  • The cat/dog, which used to be your baby, is now nothing more than a dirt-magnet-noise-pest.
  • November 5th used to be fun, a few drinks, huddled in the cold with friends watching fireworks and eating sausages. Now, as a parent, you would murder anyone who so much as looks at a firework. Actually murder them.
  • You can go an entire flight without even so much as catching sight of the inflight magazine and without even a sniff of a G&T.
  • You can collapse a buggy and load it into the car boot with one hand.
  • You are on first name terms with your GP and pharmacist.
  • You’ve stopped swearing and now use words like “fiddlesticks”.
  • You no longer wear any jewellery or anything which may be grabbed/pulled/ripped off/chewed.
  • You haven’t seen a newspaper, magazine or book in such a long time that it’s possible you have forgotten how to read.
  • You know how to distinguish the Ninky Nonk from the Pinky Ponk.
  • You go “swimming” but never actually swim.
  • You drive home from the swimming pool with a wet bum because you forgot to dry yourself. But, the baby is toasty warm and snoozing in the back of the car.
  • When sales people call you at inconvenient times, you still say “I’m sorry, I can’t talk, I’m feeding my baby”. Even though they are actually at school.
  • You’ve answered the front door with a boob out.
  • You’ve gone out without doing up your nursing bra, only to feel it slipping half way around the supermarket.
  • You get lots of dental work and prescriptions just to make the most of the freebies.
  • You wonder if you could pass off an Ella’s Kitchen fruit pouch as ‘coulis’ for your next dinner party.
  • You have to move the ducks/pirate ships/bubble blowers/fish out of the way to even get your toe into the bath.
  • You spend most of your time in social situations saying “don’t do that/give it back/that’s not yours/share/gentle”
  • You’ve completely forgotten that you said you’d never go through childbirth again.
  • Your mobile phone is covered in sticky stuff/drool/milk/snot. And you check your call history to see who the baby has dialled.
  • You’ve eaten your lunch but can’t remember eating it. Your plate is empty though, so you must’ve eaten it. It may as well have been cardboard.
  • You see a friend and then remember about 3 hours later the 45 questions that you meant to ask, but forgot.
  • The clocks changing twice a year is the biggest load of nonsense ever as YOU HAVE JUST GOT A ROUTINE GOING!
  • You haven’t had a hot cup of tea in months.
  • You find yourself listening to nursery rhymes or watching CBeebies for half an hour. Even though your baby is asleep upstairs.

Please feel free to add more in the comments below, I’m sure that you are all full of ideas…..

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9 Comments on “You know you are a Mummy when….”

  1. Chrissie says:

    I wake at 3 in the morning with either ‘Timmy Time’ or ‘Thomas; They’re 2, they’re 4, they’re 6, they’re 8’ going around on repeat in my head… I forget what normal music is.

  2. Janine Spry says:

    The only time you look in the mirror is to see your baby’s reflection and tell them ‘that’s you!’.

    • I was just saying to a friend the other day that I often get to bedtime and realise I haven’t looked at myself once in the day – I could have anything in my teeth or hair like a scarecrow, who cares!

  3. Janine Boston says:

    You know you are a mummy when you can’t leave the house without looking like you are off on a small holiday with bags of stuff for every eventuality! I can’t remember the last time I just left home with a little handbag!!!

  4. Julia Boggio says:

    You know you are a mummy when having shaved legs and armpits are no longer a pre-requisite before going “swimming”.

    • …very true Julia! One upside that I have discovered is that during your walk to the pool from the changing rooms you can use holding the baby as a stealthy way to cover any sign of Mummy Tummy. Bonus!

  5. Helen Braid says:

    Oh how you made me laugh Julia! And… You develop the inability to speak in extended sentences, having become so used to being interuppted after 2 syllables.

  6. I say ‘flip’ and ‘heck’ all the time now, used to swear like a fishwife….I’ve also been siging the tune to Iconicles all day, not cool.

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