Pastels, pegs and poring over the latest high street fashions.

I’ve just been perusing the latest mailing from a high street store and am a bit flummoxed. It seems that the trends for summer are specifically aimed at everyone but me! Not that I am one for trends much anyway, I tend to just wear what I like. A few things have jumped out at me, totally unsuitable for a person with a pale complexion (not like porcelain, more cracked teapot), someone with a messy toddler and chunky legs. Fair enough, this catalogue is perhaps a bit young for me and doesn’t suit my full-time-Mum lifestyle but please don’t condemn me to the Boden catalogue just yet. And don’t forget, I have no money either.

  • Pastels. NO, just no. Pastels make me look like I am nude and that, believe me, is not a good thing.
  • Peg trousers. Great on someone very slim but if your legs are naturally triangle-shaped, this is not good. Described in the catalogue as “with low-crotch tapered legs”. WHAT? Now, I’ve been through natural childbirth, I know what a low crotch is!
  • Lycra mini-dress. Again, these dresses are clearly not aimed at me, nor anyone who has to bend over to grab/comfort/wipe snot off a toddler. People would see what I had for breakfast. And again, I refer you to the previous mention of my rather generously sized legs. I want knee-length dresses please! And don’t even get me started on “bodycon”, although this is very 2011, they do seem to be hanging around.

Needless to say, I have perused it and then filed the catalogue in the recycling bag. Actually, now that I think of it, our recycling bags are a rather fetching colour of coral pink, a colour which I have been told quite suits me. Maybe I should be sensible here and take the option that is A) free B) in a non-pastel colour that suits C) wipe-clean? Someone get me a pair of scissors!